I bet you know what we’re talking about here. You probably encounter one or two Windows error codes every day and dismiss them carelessly, as an unavoidable though annoying problem. You think if you had the gumption to follow them through and decipher their strange language, you might avoid future problems of a similar type.

Whenever the guys over at Redmond have one bug too many to fix, they stop calling it a bug and start calling it a feature. No matter how inconvenienced you may be because of it, they’ll stick to their story - no sir, it’s not a bug. It’s a feature of our software. That’s the way our software is. In other words, you take it or you leave it. And they can afford to develop this sort of attitude because they pretty damned well know you can’t really leave it - they have a near-monopoly on the desktop. They do what they please, and you merely put up with it.

So in a certain sense it’s a pleasant surprise to see a Windows error code. I mean, an error code itself can’t be pleasant, but the very evidence that Microsoft had the guts to admit at least some faults in their system seems like a nice change!

And then you’re only left with the task of figuring out what the error code means. “Code 16″, your computer says and stares at you defiantly. “There”, it seems to say, “I told you what was wrong, so stop complaining. I hope you’re happy now.”

Happy I certainly would be if I knew what 16 stood for. It looks like the Windows makers decided to deliberately punish the curious user for daring to question the infallibility of their software: “You asked what sort of error? Very well, it is error 16, now go figure out what that means. Incidentally, we have the only existing copy of the book that explains the meaning of Windows error codes, and we won’t give it to you. Muahahaha.”

Nice folks, eh?

And they lied. They don’t have the only copy. There are other sources. Let me give you a demonstration.

“Error Code 1″ officially means “Incorrect Function”. Mighty helpful, isn’t it? I mean, you never would have guessed.

Error Code 10: “The environment is incorrect”. If someone’s been smoking pot in here, you’d better open a couple of windows.

Error Code 18: “There are no more files”. Oh no, you ran out of them again. The next time you’re at the supermarket, remind yourself to double the amount.

And so forth. It seems like the book of Windows error codes was no more than another layer designed to prevent you from learning the real reason behind the frequent tantrums your computer throws. Is there another book that gives the meanings of the meanings of these error codes?

No one knows, not even Bill Gates.